This week has been the strangest, hardest and most inspiring of my life.
I’ve had to step up, not let people down, be reliable and, most of all, show up when I least wanted to.
My book Painkiller Addict has been talked about this week across the British media and it has been incredible to see my story reaching so many people.
It’s also been terrifying.
I am powerless over what people think or say about me. I have had to have a great deal of faith, both in myself, and in the human spirit at large, to be able to go on TV and radio and say my piece.
Both times I wanted to run in the opposite direction, because that’s what I’ve always done before. It’s called self-sabotage and it’s called escapism. Either way, I took the fentanyl to escape from my pain, to withdraw from reality, to hide away both from and inside my self.
I can’t do that any more. I work an abstinent programme – and so the only choice I have is to face whatever needs facing. I may not be a great public speaker or orator, but I am a damn sight better than someone who doesn’t show up.
I went on This Morning and Radio 4, I was interviewed by The Independent, The Daily Express, YOU Magazine for the Mail On Sunday, the Guardian and Press Association. It was a week unlike any other, but now I’ve done it I’m proud that I did it.
It’s time for this recovering addict to grow up, to literally get a life, to be there, show up, do the deed. And it feels good. (Afterwards)