It is not the ‘normal’ advice we hear when confronted with a difficult situation or uncomfortable feelings.
Our natural urge is to force a change, make something happen, battle with whatever out there is squashing our souls.
Yet, for us, for the millions of recovering addicts and alcoholics out there, some of the best advice we receive is to ‘give in’. To surrender to the situation. Completely.
And what could be harder? When our instincts are gunning to leap into action and fight our way out of a corner, we are actually being told to accept things as they are.
Acceptance is the golden key. It is a mantra of the Twelve Step programme.
So, today, I am struggling with wanting to change things about my relationship with my husband, wanting to change HIM actually! I am also struggling with feelings of powerlessness over the outcome of certain things in our relationship, in particular with decisions made which affect his son, my step-son. Mine but not really.
Today, I am having to step back, butt out and, even harder, keep calm in the face of feelings of helplessness, rejection and fear of the future.
It is not easy. And I keep falling at each and every hurdle. But today I have also realised that my peace of mind is the most precious gift I can give myself, and if that means backing out of a toxic situation rather than raging with it and trying to change it then that is what I have to do.
In other words, I am going to do nothing. Really nothing. And that way maybe the future will unfold as it should rather than how I want it to, and that, at last, is progress.